I also realized something else about this as a process. Many times, it is all about letting it happen. Just letting go and letting whatever it is happen on its own.
I had this experience this past weekend when I realized, 15 minutes away, I had forgotten the all important gate key! It was late, not dark, but late enough, and I know in the past my first reaction has often been "OMFG I AM DOOMED" or similar words! But this time I had the presence of mind to simply remind myself that I had many alternatives and all would be well. And indeed, it was. I got to that gate and there was someone already there, letting another in, and I was able to go right through (with a thank you).
And on the way out, after getting a spare key, I took my time and... voila. Someone - the same person! - at that gate going out and I was able to drive right through.
I let it happen. It worked. The goddess did provide. I believed in myself.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Goddesses and fear
I'm facing down a major change in my own life.
I've spent the larger part of it in the "usual way": work, home, family. In short, I've capitulated to the forces I was raised to take at face value, indeed if I ever was even aware of some of these. A "work ethic" is instilled in very subtle ways, and we are not given a chance to analyze it in part because, I think, the primary component has to do with doing good work, NOT with how that approach to life can be damaging (and for some I suspect it is not damaging at all).
But as the years roll by, that toll grows. And when I reach the point I am at now, pushing back against that is really hard to do. Now, instead of "do the best work you can", I need to recognize that that is not the central issue, and instead recognize that "work is not my life". That's the rub.
I try and (re)connect with the Goddess a lot. It's not, of course, that magical mysterious persona in the heavens, but rather it's about how much I can believe in myself, my abilities, my strength.
And I dream. I realized this past weekend that I would be able to spend 1 or 2 weeks continuously in the Adirondacks once my "regular" job is done. I haven't done that since I was 13 years old. Wow. And I also realized this morning that it would feel SO different to live without fear. Imagine the possibilities.
And that fear? That's the insidious aspect of a work ethic. Work hard? Sure. Love what you do? Essential! Live outside of that work? As much as you can to the extent that work is not deeply fulfilling.
I've spent the larger part of it in the "usual way": work, home, family. In short, I've capitulated to the forces I was raised to take at face value, indeed if I ever was even aware of some of these. A "work ethic" is instilled in very subtle ways, and we are not given a chance to analyze it in part because, I think, the primary component has to do with doing good work, NOT with how that approach to life can be damaging (and for some I suspect it is not damaging at all).
But as the years roll by, that toll grows. And when I reach the point I am at now, pushing back against that is really hard to do. Now, instead of "do the best work you can", I need to recognize that that is not the central issue, and instead recognize that "work is not my life". That's the rub.
I try and (re)connect with the Goddess a lot. It's not, of course, that magical mysterious persona in the heavens, but rather it's about how much I can believe in myself, my abilities, my strength.
And I dream. I realized this past weekend that I would be able to spend 1 or 2 weeks continuously in the Adirondacks once my "regular" job is done. I haven't done that since I was 13 years old. Wow. And I also realized this morning that it would feel SO different to live without fear. Imagine the possibilities.
And that fear? That's the insidious aspect of a work ethic. Work hard? Sure. Love what you do? Essential! Live outside of that work? As much as you can to the extent that work is not deeply fulfilling.
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