Goddesses and fear

I'm facing down a major change in my own life.

I've spent the larger part of it in the "usual way": work, home, family. In short, I've capitulated to the forces I was raised to take at face value, indeed if I ever was even aware of some of these. A "work ethic" is instilled in very subtle ways, and we are not given a chance to analyze it in part because, I think, the primary component has to do with doing good work, NOT with how that approach to life can be damaging (and for some I suspect it is not damaging at all).

But as the years roll by, that toll grows. And when I reach the point I am at now, pushing back against that is really hard to do. Now, instead of "do the best work you can", I need to recognize that that is not the central issue, and instead recognize that "work is not my life". That's the rub.

I try and (re)connect with the Goddess a lot. It's not, of course, that magical mysterious persona in the heavens, but rather it's about how much I can believe in myself, my abilities, my strength.

And I dream. I realized this past weekend that I would be able to spend 1 or 2 weeks continuously in the Adirondacks once my "regular" job is done. I haven't done that since I was 13 years old. Wow. And I also realized this morning that it would feel SO different to live without fear. Imagine the possibilities.

And that fear? That's the insidious aspect of a work ethic. Work hard? Sure. Love what you do? Essential! Live outside of that work? As much as you can to the extent that work is not deeply fulfilling.